She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
