the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
