You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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