I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
