So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
