he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
