just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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