weddingsv make me drug and hornr
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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