Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He shit in the fireplace
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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