drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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