Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
