I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
