I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize