you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
