i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
