What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
