Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
