Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
