this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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