she was so not down for the gang bang
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
