Your face is a jimmy john
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Can I color on your dick again?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
