a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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