yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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