She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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