Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
