i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
