Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
