Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize