dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
