Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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