i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
