Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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