who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
