Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize