You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
