Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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