i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
