her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
