Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
