and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize