hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
