im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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