Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
