there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize