Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
