I hate your face
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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