What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
