Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
