(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
