Kareoke will never be a sober sport
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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