Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
