He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize