Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
