I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
