No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
