Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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