Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
