Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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