all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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