OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
