I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
