Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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