I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
