Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
