Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
