hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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