OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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