It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
