There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
