I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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