he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
