I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize