Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
