That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
