im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize